I’m not your “sis”.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Have you ever come across a woman who proudly claims she doesn't have female friends? It's certainly an intriguing statement to make, and I can't help but feel compassion for any woman who misses out on the privilege of being part of a close-knit circle of friends composed of strong, supportive women who share values and uphold integrity.

In the African American community, sisterhood holds a profound significance serving as a source of strength, resilience, and unity. It embodies the shared experiences, challenges, and triumphs of Black women, fostering a unique bond that is both empowering and nurturing; The nurturing that a lot of us didn’t receive growing up.

But what happens when that sisterhood diminishes and sis just ain’t being sisterly anymore? It can be a challenging and sometimes even a painful experience, so lets talk about it.

There’s nothing more draining than a one sided friendship. These are relationships where one person invests significantly more time, effort, and emotional energy into the friendship than the other. The imbalance in give-and-take can lead to feelings of frustration, disappointment, and exhaustion.

Now I know that meaningful friendships don’t mean that we stay on the phone for hours everyday and are always at each other’s house, BUT I can’t be the only one reaching out & shit, making attempts to keep the friendship alive. I can’t be the only one celebrating accomplishments, making birthday posts & checking in. Sisterhood is about the shared bond, the unwavering connection, and the reciprocity that define a relationship's worth.

Let’s talk about the word “reciprocity” a little bit. What is it? Simple: MATCHING ENERGY. It’s the mutual give-and-take, where both individuals contribute, engage, and invest in the relationship in similar ways. It involves sharing efforts, time, emotions, and support in a balanced manner. Matching energy means that both parties are putting in similar levels of effort and enthusiasm into the relationship. It's about meeting each other halfway, responding to each other's initiatives, and sharing responsibilities. When there is reciprocity and matching energy in a friendship, it signifies that both individuals are equally invested in the connection, and there is a sense of balance and harmony in how they interact and support each other.

It's important to remember that relationships go through phases, and not all bonds are meant to last forever. While it can be painful to see a sisterly connection diminish, it's also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. If you find yourself in this situation, the mature thing to do is have an open and honest conversation with your friend to understand their perspective and discuss whether there's a way to either rebuild the bond or gracefully move forward separately, BUT… sometimes you gotta say fuck all that (lmao) and cut sis off abruptly. Isn’t it wild how women will end a friendship with no questions asked, but keep giving their significant other chance after chance? What’s the science behind that?

Recently, I had to distance myself from someone I was very close with. Our lives just don’t align anymore & I had to literally pray about it and just let it go. Now, I feel so relieved that I don’t have to waste seconds of my day calling, texting, supporting, social media’ing, ya’ll know what I’m talking about. & when I tell you she matched my energy quick AF (lol). It was cool for her to not ever reach out and talk to me as long as I was being her “sis” on social media. Strange, right? I had a whole hysterectomy and a birthday in the SAME MONTH & she didn’t call for either. Sigh…. Let me stop before I eyes start sweating. But you see what I mean?

The relief I’m feeling now is a testament to the weight that was lifted when I released the connection that no longer served my highest good. It's liberating to shed the expectations and emotional labor that can come with trying to maintain a bond that's lost its authenticity. True sisterhood thrives on mutual support, understanding, and shared connection. When one side starts to wane, it's a clear signal that the balance has shifted and it may be time focus on your own journey.

The bittersweet truth is that not all friendships are meant to last forever. As we evolve and change, our circles of connection evolve too. And that's perfectly okay. Embracing change allows us to make space for new relationships that align with our current paths and aspirations.

I choose to let the lessons from this experience continue to guide me. Remember, it's not about the quantity of connections, but the quality of those that uplift, inspire, and truly resonate with who you are becoming. And as you move forward, never underestimate the power of setting boundaries and choosing to invest your time and energy in those who reciprocate your efforts

When the embrace of sisterhood diminishes, what choices will you make to foster meaningful connections that stand the test of time?